Right, so: I made mention in my lengthy post below about wanting to "chase utopia" and I thought I'd spend a few moments on this otherwise sleepy Sunday evening to try and flesh that out.

There are a few trends in my life that have come together and more or less dovetailed to the point where I have to make some real changes, really soon. They are:

*The growing impossibility I feel in the climate that I'm in to live to my ideals. This could easily be dismissed as another "it's damn hard to make a living as an artist" rant, but it's much more than that. One of the examples I often trot out in this regard is my experience grocery shopping. As a Good Little Lefty, I recognize the importance of buying things like cage-free eggs and organic milk; I also empathize with the workers in big block stores like Costco, forced to work in some of the most unhospitable surroundings this side of a slaughterhouse, all while watching the character and individuality of their cities and towns get drained away by their employer as it forces smaller, individually-owned companies out of business. However, as someone who has rejected an awful lot of material things (ie, the call of a "real job" and the ensuing trappings), I am constantly broke. This makes it difficult, if not impossible to turn up the ridiculously low-prices of a place like Costco - a store which actually allows me, a person on a terribly tight budget, a chance to actually do things like stock the refrigerator full of groceries. And then, of course, stocking the fridge leaves me filled with guilt from where I bought the groceries; I want to do the right thing, but it's unbelievably hard to do that in the condition in which I live.

* The constant negativity from the election. I'm getting tired of looking at everyone I know with suspicion - are you voting the right way? - and being constantly prompted by those around me to hate anyone who strays from the Kerry path. I know, I know - this election is important. All elections are. But I'm already feeling weary from pre-Nov. 3rd jitters... and it's still October.
* I'm 31, as I mentioned before, which means it's high time I started trying to figure out what I want to do with my life. Not so much what I want to be when I grow up, because I've been working on that for a while, but more what kind of person I want to be.

And so, as a result of all these reasons, here's what I've been thinking: I want to start a collective (or "commune" or "alternative community") and get the hell out of this area. I want to pool resources with a few friends and/or like-mind individuals and start something new. Something that will support us - financially, intellectually, and (yes) spiritually.

This idea has occured to me many times over the last few years. I've tried doing a few smaller scale things in Jersey City - primarily, trying to start a food collective - but it doesn't really work here. There's too much pressure from NYC hanging in the distance; it's just too easy to fall back into old ways of thinking.

Ok, now, here's the deal: I've completely lost grip (well, that much is certain) with who is reading this blog and why... so I no longer have any idea if any of the readership of this thing would be interested in knowing more about this crazy idea of mine or not. I also fear that I'm slowly cracking up... on Jay's blog... while Jay is off doing other projects, unaware of what I'm writing. So let me just quitely slip this posting under your door and see what comes back to me in a few days... and maybe update you some more later.